The Four Locks and Keys + Metta Meditation: Part Three- Delight in the Virtuous

By cultivating an attitude of friendliness towards the happy,

compassion towards the unhappy, 

delight towards those who are virtuous, 

and disregard to those who are wicked, 

the mind remains calm and the obstacles to self-knowledge are lessened.

Yoga Sutras of Patanjali 1:33

(taken from several translations)

In the last two Letters we practiced friendliness/metta toward the happy and compassion toward the suffering. The third attitude in Sutra 1:33 is Mudita: delight in the virtuous. It is often translated as sympathetic joy, the ability to rejoice in goodness that isn’t our own.

What do you delight in?
How often do you celebrate and genuinely delight in others and in life?

Delight is a word that can be used as a noun and a verb. As a noun it makes me think of Turkish Delight- the treat sacred to us as a family for the role it plays in the Chronicles of Narnia, a book our Mom read to us when we were younger. At the part of the story where the White Witch manipulates Edmund with Turkish delight, our Mom brought out a circular wooden box with a rose label on the lid. Inside, wrapped in crinkly paper were powdered sugary rose-flavored cubes that we savored. This sensory experience made C.S. Lewis’ magical world feel real to us. Afterward we kept the wooden box in a place of honor in the China Cabinet where I believe it remains today.

Thinking of the word “Delight” as a verb feels refreshing to reflect on.

On Mondays I would delight in the surprising things that would come out of Adelaide’s mouth. Her responses to people, experiences and the world never ceased to amaze me. I think it is that way with kids. They wake us up to the moment. Maybe that is one of the basic parts of being delighted- being a little surprised and woken up to life.

Some of you have heard this story before, but when I was in college I was a nanny to Clare- a sensitive, creative, darling of a human. One day I was rushing us through our errands and she was moving at her own pace. I remember pushing the door open to the camera store and she exclaimed, “Look Christy, peanuts!” I looked to where she was staring down at the black door mat outside the shop; the grippy pattern was in the shape of interlocking peanuts. Maybe it was because at that particular time of life I was learning about Buddhist philosophy or maybe it was the depth of Clare’s presence, but it was a moment where I was jolted awake. It felt like time stood still. The sun felt sunnier. I had been invited to pause and reminded to find joy in life.

In the Yoga Sutras verse we have been studying, it prescribes feeling “delight” when we encounter virtue or, “the virtuous.” Although I am blessed to have many examples of adults living in inspiring integrity, often the richest teachings in my life come from being invited into the perspective of children.

Encountering the idea of the adult version of, "virtuous,"  might take on a religious feeling which can be dusty and filled with “shoulds,” depending on your experience. You may have been given an external framework of what was right/wrong and there might be some shame, blame, or guilt involved.

Each tradition offers ways of defining virtue but they all tend to agree on treating others the way you’d wish to be treated, offering selfless service, practicing truthfulness, releasing an attachment to greed, and having moral accountability.

For reference on what is virtuous, you might look to the Christian Fruits of the Spirit, follow the Yogic path of Yamas and Niyamas, or practice the Buddhist Four Immeasurables.* In the first Letter I mentioned the term, “Expanders,” the TBM (To Be Magnetic) word for people you look to that expand your perspective for what is possible in life.

I think it can be a powerful practice to choose to actively participate with delighting in the virtuous. I am not talking about what someone else has told you is “right,” but to genuinely ask yourself what qualities of integrity do you admire. What do you aspire towards? Where are the examples of this you can look to in life? Your answers to these questions can direct your path.

In the practice of Asana (Yoga postures), where you look (your drishti) is important. It can determine your balance, the position of your neck (and whole spine), and can harness the moving energy of your thoughts to plant them in one place. Where you look determines where you will go.

In life, virtue is like a guiding drishti point which will determine your path forward.

When we get distracted and spend more time looking around instead of being guided by the inner compass of virtue and the delight in living, we can end up on someone else’s path. We might find ourselves years and decades down the line realizing we’ve forgotten to ask ourselves about what we felt was in integrity, important, and worth delighting in.

You might wonder how this fits with delighting in other people, since I just said that looking around can put us on someone else’s path. The difference is in how we look. Comparison says, “Why not me?” and pulls us off course. Mudita says, “How wonderful,” and shows us what we are drawn toward. Delighting in someone else’s goodness can help us find our own drishti. When someone else’s goodness or success stirs up comparison instead of joy, that is the cue to practice mudita.

When we look around instead of inward, an issue we can encounter is that we believe what we think. Our minds are part of the nervous system, which is wired for safety. Contemplative traditions teach us to take a step back in order to see the cloudy lens of the mind, and tools like Human Design show us our unique ways to tune in and gauge whether we are in alignment with how we were created or if we are stuck in patterns of conditioning (hint: often the second one). Faith-based systems point us toward the higher perspective of the Divine.

Do you have a connection or relationship with the Divine/something greater than you? I know this can be a complex relationship- the relationship of our humanness with something as mysterious as a Divine Creator. There is so much that the human mind cannot comprehend about the Limitless- although people have been talking (and fighting) about this for all of time.

If this idea is painful or feels limiting to you, maybe you can expand your idea of this connection to something that feels more spiritual than religious or more personal than external. I have found this relationship to be a steady drishti that guides my life in times of celebration, tragedy, questioning, and delight.

The sutra says that cultivating these attitudes brings clarity and calm to the mind (chitta prasadanam). Envy and comparison are heavy. Delight is light. Practicing it is a way of clearing the cloudy lens we talked about and steadying the mind.

Delighting in others is a form of the friendliness we have been practicing all along. Metta wishes people well, and mudita rejoices when they are well.

Here is an optional (but recommended) exercise. You can journal this through writing, the notes app in your phone, or to start a meaningful conversation.

What kinds of beliefs do you have around what is virtuous and ethical or not?
Who do you look up to?
What qualities do you value in people you admire the most?
Do you have anyone in your life who wakes you up to life and the incredible way life can feel and be lived with meaning, purpose, and presence?
Do you have mentors or Expanders who represent where you would like to be spiritually, ethically, or virtuously? Maybe you have faith leaders or business mentors who demonstrate leading in an ethical way.
Whose goodness or success is hard for you to celebrate? What would it feel like to delight in it?

Make a list of Expanders. They can be people you know personally or attributes of someone you follow online.

Keep this list close and add to it so life continues to inspire, guide, and delight you.

*The Christian Fruits of the Spirit: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, Self-Control
The Yogic Yamas and Niyamas: Yamas (social disciplines)- Non-violence, Truthfulness, Non-stealing, Non-greed, Right use of energy. Niyamas (personal disciplines): Purity, Contentment, The Fire of Discipline, Self-Study, Surrender to the Divine
The Buddhist Four Immeasurables: Loving-Kindness, Compassion, Limitless Joy, Equanimity